Sample IELTS Writing Paper – Task 2 essay (Example #3)

You should spend about 40 minutes on this IELTS task 2 essay.

“Prevention is better than cure”.

Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

You should write at least 250 words.

Answer 1 – Target 5.5

Health is very important. Without health a country has many problems. Students can not study. Workers can not work. This make the economy is very bad. So a government must to spend much money on health budget to save people illness. After, people feel strong and can work.

Doctor’s job is very important for health. Nurses job important too. Government should to pay more money for doctors and nurses to keep hospitals full. At university need special courses for doctor to make good quality doctors. Then doctors can help many people not be sick.

Government need build more hospital. It is big problem with not enough hospital which mean can not to treat all illness people. If government build more hospital then this problem be solve. In hospital need many medicine and drug also. All the time company make new drug and government should to give money to hospital to buy best drug.

With this reason we see health very important and need much money. Government should to stop spending money on weapon and war and use more money for health budget. Education also very important to make good doctors and nurses so need to spend more money for school and university.

In conclude, I agree this statement. Everybody need health so government should to buy more doctors, nurses, hospital and medicine. After, people can work and pay more tax so government make more money to buy more doctor and nurses.

 

Task Achievement

This answer does not address the question and focusses only on cure rather than prevention measures.

Off Target

Coherence & Cohesion

The text is organised into suitable paragraphs and there are some basic cohesive devices.

On Target

Lexical Resource

A number of errors with word formation and the vocabulary is repetitive.

Off Target

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

High number of errors in both simple and complex sentences but attempts range of structures.

Near Target

Answer 2 – Target 6.0

This is a very interesting topic and there are strong and weak answers to both sides. First I will look at the advantages of spending money on education and prevention.

First, a lot of illness is caused by people lifestyle. Because people smoke cigarettes or drink too much alcohol they get sick. A big problem in many countries is people diet. People eat too many fast foods and is not exercise enough. This makes for people problems with weight and put many strain on their heart. If the government made more information about this issues then maybe people change their lifestyle and so this problem be reduced. If more information is taught in schools then the next generation will eat more healthy and do more exercise. This mean when they get older they have not so much problem with health.

On the other side, it is not possible to stop all sickness. People drive motorbike and have accident. People get disease like cancer. In this cases education and prevention not possible. When this problem come there must be resource to help solve this problem. We must have health budget for hospitals and doctors to treat sick people. If all budget is spend on education or prevention then there is no money to spend for problems that come that need doctor or expensive medicine.

In conclusion, the budget must be made equal between treatment and prevention. Money spend on prevention stop people start get sick and money for treatment help people who do get sick. This makes best health for everybody.

 

Task Achievement

This addresses both sides of the question and presents a conclusion.

On Target

Coherence & Cohesion

This is well organised and uses a range of conjunctions, although there are some mistakes.

On Target

Lexical Resource

This are often mistakes in word choice but the meaning is generally clear.

On Target

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There is a good range of structures used but there are too many errors.

Near Target

Answer 3 – Target 6.5

Countries spend a lot of money on health care because health is very important. This means a lot of money is spent on health care – money to pay for hospitals, medicines and doctors. There is an idea that some of this budget should be diverted to make for better health education or preventative measures. I disagree with this idea for some reasons.

Firstly, if money is diverted from health care then there will be fewer hospital staff and this means that when people get sick there will be no-one to take care of them. Without treatment people can get very sick and die easily.

Secondly, education is very difficult in health. Now, people know smoking is bad for their health but they still smoke. Also, people know it is dangerous to drive motorbike without a safety helmet but still we see many people do it. People do not keep their lifestyle in a healthy way even when they have good education and information about health.

Thirdly, there are many health problems people can meet and it is difficult to prevent all. There are diseases like cancer and AIDs that doctors don’t know how to stop. Even if we spend 100% health budget on this problem we might not get an answer.

From this reasons we can see spending money on education and prevention is not more important than spend money on treatment.

 

Task Achievement

This has a clear position throughout and addresses all parts of the question.

On Target

Coherence & Cohesion

Clear organisation and logical answer with some good use of basic cohesive devices.

On Target

Lexical Resource

Some nice phrases but some poor word choice.

Near Target

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Some accurate sentences but still a number of errors, although they don’t really interfere with meaning.

Near Target

 

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